What are the Dangers of Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence?

This may seem to be a pointless question after my last few posts, but self-esteem and self-confidence, like most other qualities must be held in balance.

We have all met the 'over-confident' and those whose ego and self-esteem are so inflated that they are nothing short of a pain (or danger) to be around.

Just as a balanced diet should be exactly that, BALANCED, so confidence and esteem must be balanced with and grounded in reality.

Historically, we have been taught that many bullies, aggressive, violent or anti-social individuals have a problem with low self-esteem and low self-confidence. More recent, controlled research suggests that these characteristics are commonly demonstrated when unearned self-esteem (an inflated sense of self-importance or superiority over others) is challenged or the individuals concerned feel humiliated.

These people have a self-esteem or self-opinion that is over-inflated and has no grounding in reality. As a consequence, it is very frail when challenged.

Why mention this?

Well, I think it is important to understand that seeking increased self-esteem and self-confidence as entities on their own is not a healthy pursuit. Both characteristics need to be grounded in reality and grounded in the context of our character.

Both characteristics are also under our control. We have a RESPONSIBILITY as well as a right to handle the skills we have and the best way to do that is by grounding them into reality.
I saw a scary video the other day of a 10-year-old boy in America addressing a crowd of 20000 people. Great! Good for him! But what is so scary is that he was a clone of the high pressure salesmen and public speakers we fear, and at such a young age is highly susceptible to being manipulated, as well as manipulating others. The content of what he had to say was actually very good, but his delivery bore no relationship to his age or experience. The words he used were of someone at least 20-years his senior ... and that is probably where they came from. This was not a demonstration of healthy self-esteem and self-confidence.

So, I'd like to finish where I started my first entry a few days ago ... which is by relating self-esteem to self-worth.

If we feel that intrinsically we have value (which I differentiate from importance) we are more likely to respond to the needs around us because we are confident that what we bring has value, even if it isn’t necessarily the total solution.

I believe that building and increasing self-esteem in others (and in ourselves) is a frequently overlooked tool for birthing success; in everything we do

How Can We Build Self-Esteem & Confidence in Others?

Self-esteem is the foundation on which confidence can build. People who feel valued and know their self-worth are then more able to try new things and be prepared to fail. Unfortunately, failure has become a dirty word in business and we love to make scapegoats of those who have failed. But in so doing we continue to hammer the nails in our own coffin, because unless we are prepared to try something new, to put ideas together that have never been put together before, to experiment with them and see if they work, creativity and innovation die. If we stifle or kill self-esteem, we stifle and kill creativity and our success. The three are intimately associated with one another. The most successful and rapidly expanding businesses today are those where creativity thrives; Innocent Drinks and the Virgin franchise are just two examples.

And where creativity is lost? The businesses die.

As pressures increase to be successful, we often exclude the very things that can save us. One of those things is risk-taking, of which we are sorely afraid. We continue to work harder at what we’ve always done in the hope that ‘this time it will work’. Why should it if it hasn’t worked before? If it has worked before but we’re struggling now, why use the tried and well-trodden path to the cemetery? Risk-taking is the basis of creativity and the foundation for success. But in order to take those risks we need the confidence, and to build confidence we need a foundation of self-esteem.

Simple ways to build self-esteem include basic rewards such as a verbal or written ‘Thank you’, recognition in front of peers, recognition of a team in a company publication, a small gift, anything that says ‘We appreciate your efforts.’

Perhaps we should re-learn the art of celebrating our failures. They don’t have to be big announcements (there are undoubtedly people waiting in the wings to pour on scorn). But by celebrating the failures with those who’ve tried it is possible to learn from the mistakes and to move forward. Punishment achieves nothing apart from a misplaced sense of dispensed justice. We forget that the greatest discoveries affecting our lives today were the end of a line of repeated failures. People like Thomas Edison went through hundreds, even thousands of prototypes before they came up with the end product. Underlying that tenacity and perseverance was undoubtedly high levels of self-esteem and self-confidence which enabled them to face the failures, learn from them and move on. These inventors would undoubtedly have been inspired and encouraged by others and needed to draw on that as onlookers criticised and ‘commented’ on their failures. But it is their self-esteem that is likely to have held them on-course through the storms.

Sometimes we just need to let people have a go and discover for themselves. This is the basis of my workshops. I can show them plenty of what I can do, but in the end it only really works when each person has the opportunity to try for themselves. Having discovered that they can or can’t do something they can move on, either to something new or build on what they’ve started.Sometimes we need to revisit where they’ve been and help them change a wrong perception. For example, they may have tried something once and decided that they can’t do it, when in fact they just need to try it again.

There are many ways we can help, but perhaps the biggest part is through our relationships with others. As we develop and use these we have the opportunity to encourage, correct, draw alongside and help. These things also take time, effort and patience, so it can be useful to weigh-up how much effort and time we can/are prepared to give.

Benefits from the results are potentially huge and long-lasting and the return on investment greater than we can ever perceive.

But we need to take that risk ...

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If you are interested to learn how we may be able to help you, please either visit our websites:

Waywood Creative: http://www.waywoodcreative.com/

Waywood Training: http://www.waywoodtraining.com/

Or contact me directly on

Tel: +44 (0)1509 553362
Mob: +44 (0)7814 628123
E-mail: stuart@waywoodenterprises.com

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