'Oh! I've known you for ages. I don't think it's my job to tell you when you've done something well ... just when you need to improve'

So ended a conversation with someone I'd known for years ... and it hurt ... and it set me thinking!

I see many people, especially young people/young adults with a desperate need to be affirmed, noticed, respected (in the true sense) and encouraged. They have many 'friends' and colleagues whom they have known for a long time, but somehow the familiarity has also put scales on the eyes of friends, so that they no longer encourage or feed positives into their life ... only a destructive neutrality.

And yet I am often just as guilty as my friend for either prejudging (appearance, comments from other people etc) or just looking for things I can improve in others, whilst missing the core values and reasons why they are my friend in the first place. What should be a relationship becomes a monologue: I forget their needs and aim to fulfil my wants.

I remember friends at school who were devastated when they had tried their hardest and yet weren't quite good enough because the standard of their work didn't compare to the standard of work submitted by other members of the class. Rather than being helped and encouraged, they were targetted by teachers and fellow pupils; they were the butt end of jokes; they were labelled 'thick', 'stupid', 'dunces' (and worse) ... and I was right there with the crowd taunting them!!

What effect did this have on the individuals concerned?

They responded in a number of ways. They became:

Discouraged ... they perceived themselves as not good enough.
Demotivated ... their enthusiasm and interest declined and not surprisingly, their marks got worse
Disillusioned ... long-term, some of my friends gave up in that subject
Some became Disenfranchised from the education system ... they continually got into trouble with teachers, pupils and in some cases the law, and very sadly, some lost hope.

But thankfully, some became very successful people, running their own business and enjoying life.

So what happened to buck the trend?

In most cases there was either an individual who took interest in them, coached and encouraged them, hung in there and made a difference. In other cases the inner drive of these people to prove to themselves that they had value and could succeed was so strong that they drove themselves to achieve what they had been told could never happen.

I hear sad stories about people like Robbie Williams and Mick Hucknall, two high profile, talented personalities in the music world who were told by teachers at school, 'You will never amount to anything.' Ouch! Wouldn't it have been so much better if their talents had been spotted, encouraged and nurtured so that they could reach and enjoy their success without so many hangups and low self image.

As we look to cultivate our relationships with others we should start by 'earning the right' to their friendship by building trust and demonstrating that we are worth having as a friend. And once we have built these friendships and relationships, it is the responsibility of each of us to accentuate the positive rather than highlight the negative or, equally as destructive, make no comment at all.

I believe that by applying these principles to our relationships, in all areas of life, we will benefit, our friends will benefit, those around us will benefit and ultimately our businesses and ventures will benefit.

Success = Creativity + Integrity

I was reading an article in the headlines today which stated that fewer and fewer people trust what they read in adverts, and suspicion is at an all time high online as surfers are afraid to follow advertising links in case their e-mail address is somehow 'captured' and they are bombarded with unwanted communications from the company and third party associates.

Combine this with an all-time low level of trust in business marketing campaigns as a whole and we face a bit of a crisis ... We need to communicate with people about our products and services, but how do we achieve that without being thwarted at the first step?

Can I suggest that one word sums up the answer ... integrity.

Over the past few years there has been a significant change in both the offline and online business arenas, from being company driven to being consumer driven: What do our customers want? rather than What do we want to give our customers? Creative (or not so creative) techniques have been used to 'breech customer defences' and get them to buy. Unfortunately, a lot of these techniques, though very creative, were also one-sided, excluding the customer.

However, the wind of change now means that customers have what, to some, may seem like too much power in dictating markets.

As I looked a little closer at this problem something very basic struck me: this new modus operandi is sales and marketing (offline and online) driven by relationships. Sure, we can dress this up in all sorts of jargon, but the basis is now,

"If you want me to buy from you I want to know you, I want to know what you stand for, I want to know what you are trying to sell me, I want to know how I benefit from having it and then I can make a decision on whether I want to buy it"

Unique Selling Points (USPs), selling the benefits of products and customer focused selling have always been good techniques and known to bring improved customer response. However, now the customers have caught up! They are tired of being given half truths or part information about products; and rightly so.

Unfortunately, presenting only the advantages and successes of a product, whilst omitting to declare some of the disadvantages has been the accepted norm in many companies, particularly if those disadvantages have no associated health risk. However, the more scary fact is that this practice also occurs in the health and pharmaceutical industries where the consequences are nothing short of dangerous or life-threatening. Newspaper headlines with significant impact on the company, publicised when it is discovered that certain unwanted side effects or adverse effects were conveniently 'omitted' from the dossier submitted for approval.

If we take time to consider this, the effects seen in the relatively small, selected population used in clinical trials are certainly going to be seen when the drug is released to the wider community and used by millions of patients, often worldwide. Integrity is compromised in an effort to gain (often short-term) return on investment to please the shareholders. Creativity without the integrity leads to compromise at the least; disaster at worst.

But the impact on the wider business community in these situations. There is a massive loss of trust by the customers; not only against in the 'offending' company but against all companies in the same business sector. We all suffer from the lack of integrity of others.

So, I welcome much of the shift that has taken place because I see it as a return to the basics of human interaction and relationships. As businesses we are now accountable to our customers and we are required to be open and honest if we want their custom, business and loyalty.

Historically and in the future, the most successful businesses are/will be those that display integrity and use their creativity wisely. No longer can we simply sell to our customers ... we need to gain their trust and loyalty first, and we can only really do that by establishing a relationship with them, by including them in our decisions and listening to what they have to say, even if we can't act on every request we receive. However, once we have their trust, it is easier to be open about our mistakes and we are seen to be human and not just some corporate threat. We may also be creative in asking our customers their ideas for solutions to our problems?

2008 is a new start for me as I venture out in my own business. After 18 years in the pharmaceutical industry I have witnessed much that is good and bad. My priority is to take the best that I have learnt, be transparent in what I do and keep an open ear to those I deal with.

I want to ensure that my creativity is tempered, no, driven by integrity.