How Can We Affect Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence in Others?

It is always worth considering what impact we can and do have on the self-esteem and self-confidence of other. If these qualities in us are affected by external input from our parents, peers etc (i.e., others) then we too can have significant impact on the self-esteem and self-confidence in others.

Let’s consider as an example, the boss who wants to add some stretch to the expectations of his staff in order that they can develop and grow in their roles. How can he help them to grow and develop and achieve these goals? I would argue that one way is to reinforce their self-esteem and develop their self-confidence. These promote not only independent thinking and working, but also the security to approach others for assistance if and when needed. But what happens if this boss

• Sets targets, and then continually reviews them and re-sets them as they are met?
• Sets targets that are simply not achievable?
• Introduces so much stretch in the objectives that they push the individual beyond their elastic limit?
• Continually focuses on targets that are not being met and ignores those that have been achieved or exceeded?
• Provides criticism and objective advice without praise and reward?

These scenarios are all too common in business today; many through pressures to perform in difficult or changing economic climates; many through personal drive or feelings of the need to achieve or survive; many through ignorance. Whatever the reason, the end result is the same; underachievement, low morale, suspicion and loss of best staff (either voluntarily or through ill-health).

When the pinch comes the focus can be turned so strongly onto the objective that we neglect the means of achieving that objective, our staff. Survey after survey shows that the best results, greatest growth and greatest stability arise where people feel valued, rewarded and are given the freedom to try, in other words, where people have a feeling of worth (self-esteem) and the confidence to make a significant and recognised contribution (self-confidence). It’s also interesting that in many cases, reward constitutes little more than acknowledgement and being thanked. It does not necessarily have to be a salary increase or monetary award.

The problem is that in many cases, praise, thanks and acknowledgement have been consigned to the annals of history. The positive side to this is that where there is a cultural change from a praise vacuum to one of acknowledgement, the change in atmosphere, attitude and motivation can be remarkably rapid and greater than could be expected.

So, if encouraging others costs nothing, apart from a bit of pride, self-discipline and effort, but reaps such great rewards, what are the barriers to us starting, now?

• Pride?
• Time?
• Image?
• Effort?
• Expectations?
• Office structure?
• ... other reasons?

If survival, growth and development are priorities in our businesses then none of these barriers is too great to overcome. Most are personal anyway. And if it is a case of reorganisation or redundancy, then there can be little argument against the case.

The benefits of building self-esteem and self-confidence in others and ourselves are that we are laying the foundations for greater things; creativity and innovation.

More of that next time ...

Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence

Today I'm going to start a 'mini-series' on what I see as possibly one of the most crucial elements to any success story: self-esteem and self-confidence. I've put them his way round for a reason that will become apparent as you read on ...

So let's start at the beginning ...

What are they?

The Oxford English Dictionary defines them as follows:

Self-Esteem

• noun confidence in one’s own worth or abilities

Self-Confidence

• noun a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement

At a first glance they may seem to be the same thing. Indeed, they are very close, but self-confidence is based more around what we can do whilst self-esteem is based more on who we are; our worth.

Both are incredibly important in shaping our lives and enabling us to achieve our potential. If we have no self-esteem then achievement becomes much more difficult and we often sabotage our own efforts (at least mentally) before we start or give ourselves chance to achieve anything. Without self-esteem there is little or no foundation on which to develop self-confidence.

Our lives are a tapestry of events; some good and some bad. The proportion and magnitude of these events can be highly significant in developing our self-esteem and ultimately, self-confidence (or lack thereof).

Here's a couple of simple scenarios which help to demonstrate this (based on two friends of mine):

Friend A came from a family where achievement was the norm. Mum and dad were both high flyers and the level of expectations in the family was high. Older brother was at university studying astro-physics and younger brother was a brilliant pianist. Unfortunately, my friend was less academic although he was extremely practical. You can imagine that when his test and exam results came in, he was not at the top of the list. He was frequently berated by his parents for underachieving. His self-esteem fell. He felt that he was worth little because he could not do what was expected of him. Not surprisingly he rebelled and became a real problem ... until he left home and eventually set up his own business repairing cars, servicing and tuning engines. His reputation spread and he became a very successful businessman. Not surprisingly he also became very confident and happy with his lot! It wasn't that this young man had no ability; it was that his abilities were overlooked because he did not fit into the expectations of others. He needed the chance to discover and apply his many talents, and when he did ...

Friend B came from a totally different background. The members of his family were not high achievers. His dad worked at a local company as a storeman and his mum worked in a local bakery. My friend was very good at electronics and always had things in pieces. His sister loved art (but was not top of the class). Both parents were full of encouragement for my friend and his sister. Fast forwarding ten years ... both my friend and his sister became very successful in their respective fields. And both were very confident people. When they speak of their parents, they both speak with great affection, with genuine thanks for how they were trusted and for the confidence that was instilled in them because of this. They were valued as individuals and given the chance to experiment and fail, knowing that their parents were always behind them. They knew this and it shaped their high self-esteem and self-confidence.

Now I know that these two examples are probably towards the extreme ends of the spectrum, but they are real examples which demonstrate how important self-esteem is for developing self-confidence. I also understand that in order to achieve some things, we need to aim high and be motivated and pushed on by those around us. But if our core belief doesn't allow us to accept those things we need, then we will not achieve our potential; we will only be driven into greater self-doubt.

We may look at ourselves and think that we have very little to offer. Is that the truth? Or is it because we lack the self-esteem and self-confidence to see beyond that to what potential we really have? It's often how we see things that makes the difference.



Light in the darkness or darkness
threatening the light?

It is also worth considering what impact we have on the self-esteem and self-confidence of others ... but that's for next time.